Judgements
by Scarabbug
Summary: It would be a day much like this one, he had decided; dark, damp and cold. And he would be sitting in a small living room watching the rainfall through a wide open window. And then the Ultimate Lifeform would come. Oneshot. Sonic X Universe.


**This story takes place at some point in the future of another story series I'm writing called the "_Chaos Mythologies_" sequence, but it's _not_ necessary to read that in order to understand this. It was also originally a part of my "Sonic Symphony" series, but has since expanded and become more of a stand alone, so I've posted it as a one shot. Standard disclaimers apply, reviews and concrit are appreciated. **

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Judgements.

He has always known that this day will come.

It would be a day much like this one, he had decided; dark, damp and cold. And he would be sitting in a small living room watching the rainfall through a wide open window. The sun would not be visible through the cloud cover. It would not be a peaceful death, or a quiet one, or anything humans usually hope for, because that is not the death that he deserves.

It might, however, at least be a quick one. Perhaps with a little dignity, too, if he were especially lucky.

He joined GUN all those years ago because he had wanted to give something back to a country he loved. He has said and much time and again, for reporters and children who had come round to the Home on history projects and the like, and it was all that he would _ever_ say. He said it until the words lost all meaning and became dull repetitions. He said it without fondness. In the years since, he has decided that this country holds nothing of interest for him; and had nothing to offer except for history books, plaques, and pay checks. He has lived a long, quiet life and hopes deep down that he might still die in the same way.

He won't.

He has deluded himself, until the pretty young woman showed up on his doorstep, pleading with him to tell her about Project Shadow. Dallas Garcia's daughter... a face he hadn't known from television, the way most people did (he had no interest in news broadcasts or worldly events), but because she had her father's spirit about her; and that spirit demanded answers, as Colin had known someone would one day. The actions of the government fifty years ago had left too many children without fathers, too many families with holes in their hearts, for it to remain unnoticed forever.

'...So, it's you, then.'

He is uncertain what he expected, but this continued silence wasn't it. 'You had better come out. I know you're there.'

He did something... terrible. The imprint of it was seared into his mind over fifty years ago and had not faded since, accompanied by screams and cries and a voice he remembers so, so well, for having heard it only once. A voice that called him a murderer and cried out the child's name. _Maria Maria Maria_.

As if killing her hadn't been guilt-inducing enough, she had to have a _name_.

The enemies of armed forces do not usually have names. They are not usually children; pretty, bright eyed, frightened little girls, in old fashioned dresses and shoes without laces. They don't usually have their hands wrapped around the release clutch of one of the most dangerous creations in the universe, and those dangerous creations do not under any circumstances scream the child's name over and over while beating against bulletproof glass.

They had prepared him for battle, but nobody had ever prepared him for the reasons why. The Guardian Unit of Nations was founded on an elaborate and complicated web of lies and deceptions. He had said as much to Dallas's daughter. But it was he who pulled the trigger this time. Not GUN. Not his superiors. And Colin knows now that the phrase "I was only following orders" has been used to excuse too many atrocities.

So Colin had always expected this day would arrive eventually. And he has waited for it patiently.

He has waited for this moment for over fifty years, and he finds himself smiling when the shadow appears. Because finally –_finally_– it has come.

'You are there, aren't you? I... I know you are.'

...Perhaps he has imagined it. He's starting to do that, in his old age; imagine spectres and ghosts of the past. Sometimes he thinks that the creak of arthritis in his neck is someone gripping his shoulder from behind. That the sharp jolts of pain in his spine are caused by blurts of that strange, unknown energy he had tasted in the air of Space Colony ARK. But now there is only stillness and silence and... It feels nothing like his nightmares.

'There's... No sense in running from these things, I know.' He murmured quietly, staring quietly across the porch. 'Not now. It's been a very long time. I'm old. Older than I care to think about. Most people would have forgotten the whole mess by now if not for... well, things happen for a reason, I suppose. And now you're here for your revenge.'

The shadow is still and silent, and Colin McDrea looks up into it, scowling and swallowing his fear. 'That is why you're here, isn't it? Maria... that was her name. Maria Robotnik. I remember.'

'I know.'

The voice from the darkness answers.

He knows now that he hadn't imagined it. The ghosts of his past might be highly persistent ones, but they have never spoken to him, and they had never sounded so utterly human and solid. So utterly unlike the subject of a government report on a highly experimental chaos project.

'I know,' the voice says again. '...I didn't see her die. She set me free before that. You were there, weren't you?'

Colin swallowed; his mouth dry and parched. 'Yes.'

'So you watched her take her last breath. You killed her. It's taken me so many years to remember... so many more to find you here.'

He had watched the colony falling from the sky that day; he had watched it from the streets themselves, ignoring the broadcasts of Dallas's daughter, and without so much as the faintest cheer for the would be saviours of earth, maybe because he'd known that power would someday be turned in his direction.

Men who say that they don't fear death, even old men, are all damned liars. His colleagues had feared it when it came for them – not at the hands of some mysterious ultimate creature, but at the whims of their own government, which had them taken out because they knew too much about the project. It is only fifty years of silence which has kept him alive, kept him safe. He has been unable to do so much because to do so would have drawn attention... because his family would've all been vulnerable.

Not that he had had much of a family, to speak of. A wife who left him after a decade. Old friends who passed on one after the other.

And anyway it's not death itself that's to be feared, it's what comes after it. And that makes him wonder - is he dead now? Is this his judgement for what he has done?

Ridiculous. The rambling thoughts of a bitter old man, no doubt.

The shadow doesn't move. But there are noises outside, voices are calling, people are running and... They don't sound much like they belong here. At first he thinks it must be those damned children that keep running around with spray cans and bicycles. But those voices never call names. For just second the shape before him seems to move, and then it has gone, shifting through the darker shadows at the edges of things. Shadows like the ones on board Space Colony ARK, where the artificial lightning had failed during the raid.

And then there is movement from the doorway. A sharp burst of green light, and then silence. There is a figure standing there.

'Please don't more, sir.' The figure says to him, and then he looks steps further into the room without waiting for a response. 'Shadow!'

Colin feels a voice inside of him welling up; demanding that these... _people_ get out of his house, but the memories of fifty years holds him back. This feels like fate and destiny coming together. Like what he has been waiting for all this time. And he is looking at the newcomer – a man, he realises after a moment. A human figure.

'You... you're with him aren't you?' It's barely a question. He already knows the answer. 'You're here... about the Colony. You know about it.'

'Yes.' The boy speaks, but he doesn't look at Colin. Colin sees now that the light is coming from the boy; from something in his hands... the air is filled with the smells of memory, the airtight colony with its artificial, sterilised air and the cold sharpness of antiseptic... It's only the voice which gives away the fact that the man is just a boy at all – he's eighteen at the least, and tall for his age. Of course, everyone looks tall to him these days; young and bright and ready to take on the world. Just the way he used to be, before... 'I know. We weren't sure that you'd still be alive.'

'I was sure,' the Shadow says again, and its outline is clearer now. Maybe his eyes are adjusting to the darkness, or maybe it's just the afterglow of the green light that the boy brought with him. 'Just as I knew that as long as he lived, I would find him. You shouldn't have come here, Chris.'

'I didn't have any choice.' The boy snaps. 'The chaos emerald brought us here. We know _everything_ now, Shadow. You... you don't have to do this.'

'And I suppose then,' Colin speaks because he can't help it. He has to _know_. 'That you know it was me... That I'm the one who killed the child. Maria.'

'Yes,' the boy says quietly. He does not move another inch, and hangs between the old man and the ultimate life form like the spectre out of Colin's dreams. 'But that's not important, we're just... I'm just here to find my friend...'

There is another burst of sharp, green light that cuts out every shadow in the room; a glare of green light, so bright that it blinds him and turns the glass of every photograph in the room white. And then the boy has moved.

It's strange, he supposes, but... well, when a person gets old they become aware of things they never noticed, or just didn't bother to notice before. Colin has the impression that something _happened_ here, just outside of the range of his perception. That there was more to that brief moment than a flash of light and movement. It's as if the boy and the creature have exchanged something in the darkness. As if they have connected in a single moment of anger and pain that he can't quite understand...

The shadow –_Shadow_, if that is his true name– has form and definition now, a strange, not-close-to-human shape, and sharp, red eyes. The boy is tall, yet this small creature seems to stand its ground before him as easily as if it were fifty feet tall. There is no fear in those eyes. No fear at all. Perhaps it has never known fear in all its life, and now knows only anger and fury...

'The Ultimate Life Form,' Colin finds himself whispering. So this is the creature the girl died in order to save...

'You don't understand, Chris. He _killed_ her. He _murdered_ Maria.'

'I know, Shadow. Grandpa showed me the information from Miss Garcia. I know he's the last survivor of the GUN raid on the colony. I saw _everything_. And I know how you must feel right about all this.'

'You don't.' The voice growls, but it has softened enough that the sensation of air being crushed from Colin's chest fades ever so slightly. Enough for him to breathe again and remind himself exactly why his wife had always nagged at him to give up smoking. 'You couldn't. You never saw her dying.'

'No, I didn't. But I saw the colony falling from space,' the boy says, taking another step closer. 'I saw you save the universe, because it was what she wanted, Shadow. Do you think she'd want this?'

Shadow snorts, it might have been a laugh if it weren't so cold and drawn out. The boy does not flinch, and Colin finds himself enraptured by the sight before him. A human boy and a strange, omnipotent creature, speaking with each other in the house of a murderer. 'What Maria would want! You've been using her as a defence against me for years, human. Can't you think of any other way to stop me? I'm not doing this for _her_.'

The boy appears to take a deep breath. Colin remains silent, whatever his fate is, he thinks, he shall accept it. 'If you hurt him, Shadow, then you know what I'll have to do... We can't hide something like that. I won't help you.'

'Like the government of this time and place cares anything for a fifty year old mystery. They didn't care about him then so long as he stayed quiet, why should they know?'

'Shadow, _please_... Sonic will be here soon and if he sees this—'

'What makes you believe I _care_ what your friends think of me?'

'Nothing. I know that you don't. You don't care what they think about _you_, anyway. But there's too much at stake here, Shadow... you don't understand that, anymore than _I_ do about Maria.'

'Don't get in the _way_, human, this doesn't concern you!'

'But I'm always getting in the way, Shadow,' the boy says, and this time there's a note of amusement in his voice. 'And you listened to me. You listened when I was just a spoiled little twelve years old who didn't know any better. Why would I stop that now...?'

There is silence, and Colin is not sure if that's because the Ultimate Life Form can't answer the boy's question, or if he simply doesn't want or feel the need to. 'Shadow, all you see is _her_. All you've _ever_ seen is her,' the boy goes on quietly. 'And... I don't blame you for that. Who could? She was your friend, and they took her away from you. I've lost friends too, remember? I lost one of them because _you_ helped to kill her, we _all_ did. She was just a little girl, too... _younger_ than Maria.'

'Don't tell me what I already know, Chris! I was there. I saw it. I was the chaos-damned _ammunition_! And you all know _exactly_ what that girl was, and what she stood for!'

'Would it have made a difference if she wasn't? You still wanted to kill her even _before_ then. Before we all knew who she was. _What_ she was... Funny how you could be so damn rational about that but not _this_. The first answer you could think of was to destroy her, and you wouldn't even stop to tell us _why_. Is that the only response you can ever come up with for _anything_, Shadow? To _destroy_ things?!' Anger picks at the edges of the boy's tone, and the figure falls still and silent. If he had been less jolted by fear and confusion, Colin McDrea might have appreciated the irony of the so-called Ultimate Life Form, which GUN had been so intent on getting their hands on, being talked down by a normal human _boy_.

Well, _apparently_ normal, anyway. The boy actually being as normal as he looks seems less and less likely by the second.

The sensation of chaos in the air around them fades slightly – strange; Colin had not even realised it was there, but now he understands that the strange sensation all around them, and the flashes of light he saw, could not have been caused by anything else.

The boy is trembling much as he imagines he must be himself. There are memories, several years worth of them, tied up in events that Colin knows nothing of, and he begins to wonder what else might have happened out in this world between Space Colony ARK and today.

'Let's stop this here and now. It happened fifty years ago. It's a memory and nothing more. We can't even be sure which of your memories are real.'

'This one is real,' Shadow says, coldly. 'We're standing in this room with a murderer, boy.'

'Correction. Two murderers. Three, in fact. I played my part as well and...' The boy pauses, and sees to smile. 'I guess she wouldn't begrudge any of us it, anyway. Neither of them would. And none of us can change the past, Shadow. None of us. All we can do is try and choose what our futures are going to be like.'

The boy half glimpses at Colin as he says this and... The old man doesn't want to flinch, but he does. There is something strikingly familiar about this boy's face, yet he can't quite tell...

'...I suppose not.'

There is silence once again. Except that it isn't silent; his heart had just been pounding so heavily in his chest that he had not been aware of anything but its beat, and the sound of the two people's voices. He had missed the sounds of rainfall and the creak of floorboards beneath his feet. He hadn't noticed the sound of the air rushing in and out of his lungs.

'Shadow, come on, let's go home, okay? We need you. There's a fight going on, we can't win it without you. You can't change the past, but we need you in the _present_. _Help us_, shadow. He's just... he's an old man now.'

There is another of those strange flashes, accompanied again by the sensation that he's missing something just outside of his perception, and then the Ultimate Life Form has gone.

The boy takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, then he turns around and looks at him. His face comes up from the darkness, and Colin can suddenly see him quite clearly.

And there they are... The same eyes that had stared at him with despair as blood leaked from the mouth beneath them. Blonde hair replaced with brown, child's body with adult... a boy, certainly, and with darker hair, but had the girl survived... had _Maria_ lived to be this age, then the similarities would have still been apparent.

Those are the eyes which brought the Ultimate Creature to a dead standstill. Those are the eyes which explain why Colin McDrea is still alive right now. And in that moment, Colin understands more than he has ever wanted to understand about the Ultimate Life Form, and about a long dead girl named Maria.

'Are... are you alright?'

Colin gives no response, at first. Perhaps the boy already knew, perhaps not. But the connection is there, as clear to Colin as the blood on his own hands. He can think of only one thing to say, one question to ask: 'Why?'

The boy takes a step backwards into the shadows; he closes his eyes and smiles slightly, as if at some untold joke. 'I... I don't want anyone else to die, that's all,' he says. 'There's been too much of that already.'

And then he is gone. He can't be certain how the boy has disappeared so quickly or where he has disappeared _to_... Perhaps it doesn't matter.

It would be a day much like this one, he had decided; dark, damp and cold. And he would be sitting in a small, cramped living room watching the rainfall through a wide open window. The Ultimate Life Form would come, and his lifelong torment would be ended in a single flash. And that was precisely how it _had_ been –the moment he had waited for his entire life. He had not imagined the boy would be there. He had not imagined that _anything_ could have possibly existed outside of his fifty year old memories and the fate he had felt certain would befall him.

The room is dark, the rain is pounding on the glass outside the windows, and Colin McDrea is left alone in the vacuum-like silence of his memories. He had spent his lifetime waiting for those moments, and now they had passed and he sat alone, sensing the loss of fifty years of his life to a past he couldn't have changed no matter how much he wanted to.

Perhaps that was his punishment after all...


End file.
